Your Brain at Work

When I entered into the workforce in my mid twenties I was incredibly fortunate to happen upon a series of events that almost accidentally highlighted my strengths and intelligence.  Soon after my career began I landed an executive management position faster than I ever could have ever imagined.  I have always been a creative at heart, so I was shocked and almost giddy when I realized I could be good at anything remotely analytical.

So what was it about this job so ill-fitting to my personality and full of pressure that made me feel so lucky?  And why do most ADHD women loose confidence and end up in a downward spiral when faced with a relatively simplistic entry level position?

While the sudden rise in responsibility appeared daunting at first, it was what inevitably allowed me to survive on a daily basis.  What was happening with my management position was a series of daily challenges and big picture tasks that were full of stimulating and thought provoking activity.   It was this stimulation that provided a natural focus allowing me to coast through my work days in a time before I understood my ADHD brain.  When it came to the menial day to day work I would inevitably get stuck and begin to feel worthless... but throw me in a meeting full of top dogs and I seemed to have the midas touch at unravelling the mysteries of the universe.  There was only one problem: the dichotomy between my inability to do simplest of things and my perceived ability and intelligence by my peers.  At the end of the day the divide left me feeling like a big ol' fraud.

What started out as a sudden burst of self confidence and renewed sense of ability slowly began to erode when I would get stuck connecting the dots of the simplest tasks.  I began to enter into every day wondering if this is the day I would be found out for who I really was.  After all, all they would have to do is open the drawers of my desks to see that chaos rained supreme.  I ended up leaving my job for another as the stress of unfinished piles of work began to mount and I figured it was only a matter of time before they realized I had no idea what I was doing anyway.

This is the sad truth that leads so many undiagnosed and brilliant ADHD women into a constant spin cycle of feeling as though they have failed.  It is also the reason why so many talented and capable women get stuck struggling at the entry level and fail to get off the ground and realize their true potential. 

Looking back I wish that I had the tools to better understand what made my brain different and unique.  The truth is, I was highly capable and I did do great things for the companies I worked for.  I was able to look at the big picture and come up with innovative ideas that inevitably had a tremendous impact on the bottom line.  What I didn't understand was that my brain was severely lacking the most essential chemicals necessary for stimulation and that when external stimulation was lacking I would inevitably become paralyzed by the inability to complete what was in front of me.

This is where treatment for ADHD women becomes a true life saver.  If I had understood my strengths and weaknesses I could have considered using an assistant for the areas in which my brain would get suck.  Similarly, I could have considered a medication regimen to help stimulate my frontal lobe thereby enabling me to get those less stimulating tasks accomplished myself.

I feel tremendously fortunate to be in the minority of women with ADHD who are learning to recognize and move through the challenges that the disorder presents.  While the story listed above is only one of many in a lifetime full of perceived 'failures', the basic understanding of what I am dealing with has enabled me to put down the 10,000lb weight of shame and move forward with the knowledge that my talents and abilities are indeed very REAL.